Hello, Food Police? Yes, I’d like to report a horrible crime.
I’m all for weird food combinations. Not everyone likes to eat their food the same way, which is why there are so many different ways to enjoy dishes. But what some people do to their food is just downright wrong.
Take my morning radio partner’s twenty-something son. When normal, well-adjusted people grab an Oreo or three they’ll dip them in a glass of cold milk. Her son dips his in ketchup. WTF, darling?
We asked our listeners and website readers to tell us about the most glaring food crime they have ever witnessed, and, man, what some people do to their food is unforgivable.
Forget about pineapple as a pizza topping, that’s nothing compared to the heinous food crimes we heard about.
• Stephany: I eat chocolate cake with sour cream
• Annie: I put mayo on my rice
• Paul: The worst food crime I’ve witnessed, is my husband putting sour cream on top of his Chinese food takeout. He puts it on top of everything, the sesame chicken, noodles, beef and broccoli, bleh!
• Terry: A peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich. What in the gross double hockey sticks is that all about?
I’m horrified. I can’t imagine seeing someone make that sandwich, much less eat it.
The most glaring food atrocity being committed is the use – or rather, misuse – of ketchup. People be treating the condiment meant for just fries and hotdogs like it is Frank’s RedHot and putting that s**t on everything.
• Josie: My kids eat beans with ketchup
• Marisela: Bologna sandwich with ketchup. This is how my nephew would make his sandwich from him, and it would gross me out
• Ana: My husband does the tamales and ketchup. Please send help! I’m in danger!
Yeah, you’re in danger girl. People who put ketchup on tamales are one hallucinogenic drug away from a freezer full of human body parts. The only acceptable topping on a tamale is Chile con Queso.
But the most heinous ketchup food crime being committed out there is by Diane’s husband. It’s so bad, I can’t even type it out without grossing out. You need to hear it for yourself.
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